In Loving Memory of Rocky

29-Jan-97 to 29-Oct-01

pet photo

Rocky came into my life on Oct 30,1997. For the first 2 weeks, I almost gave up on him and returned it to his owner. He would bark profusingly and kept jumping at the sliding glass door every night.

Then, I started to miss him the following day and begged to have the dog back and promised to love & spoil him.

It was towards his last days when I tried to ask him for a handshake,and he couldn?t. Rocky was being diagnosed with Lymphoma two months ago. It?s an incurable disease. The Vet said that the cancer has spread to other parts of his body and was told that he could live to a maximum of 1 year. Minimum would be a month. Rocky has been very strong and I thought he could outlive more than a year.

I knew his days are numbered when he vomited blood. Soon, he threw up what ever he ate. He no longer greets me. Even lifting his paw was a problem. When we took him for walks, he was pretty reluctant and walked slowly. Unlike before, I could have flown with the wind.

When the Vet saw him, I was given 2 choices. Either to put him down to sleep or to give him a jab to stop him for vomiting. Apparently, the Vet said that Rocky has difficulties in breathing. Rocky was restless and lay on the surgery table. I could read his mind that he wanted to me to set him free because normal visits to the clinic, he would have freaked out.

As the Vet carried him to the surgery room, Rocky looked at me like a child. Neither did he struggle nor fidget.

When I was allowed to see Rocky, his heartbeat was still beating and eyes wide open. I asked the Vet if he knows of my presence and why his eyes are open. Then his heartbeat stopped. The Vet explained that it?s normal for his eyes to be opened.

I stared hard at him. It was as though he is looking at me. I kissed and whispered in his ears He looked as if he is alive, eyes open, even now as I think back. His body was still warm and I hugged him and whispered in his ears and said "Rocky, fight back......get up."
When I looked into his eyes, its as though he is looking at me, filled
with disappointment that I chose this fate for him.

Before I was forced to leave, I whispered in his ears again and said "I
Will always love you and you will always be in my heart."

How I Cope and live for the rest of my life

I can never forgive myself as long as I live. My conscience will haunt me forever. What if Rocky thinks that the injection was to make him get well? To him, not only am I a murderer, he will never forgive me.

After all, he was only 4 years & 10 months old.
I?ve asked that his blanket, house & chewy bones, bowl & chain to be left untouched. I still filled his bowl with food and water. As I looked out of the window last night, I was hoping to see him. When it rains, I worried that he will be cold and hungry with no shelter. When he used to be around, I will tuck him to sleep in his little house with blanket. Rocky is afraid of thunder.